The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
