he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
