I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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