hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
