For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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