last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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