i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
