party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
