yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
