did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
