do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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