its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
