i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
