Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
