her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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