And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm sobbing to NWA
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
