the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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