Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
