Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
