bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
