so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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