He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
