Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
