i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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