Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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