If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
