I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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