So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
