she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
