My underwear smells like fireworks.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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