its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
