help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And then my night got REAL pukey
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
