That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
