i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
