question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
