chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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