Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
