I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
