I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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