Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
