hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
