how can u be prego again
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
