okay pat passed out under dana's car
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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