please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
