I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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