that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
