He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
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