Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
