I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
