i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
