I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
