my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
