Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
