Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
