He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
