White coat. Heels.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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